It's working!

So that whole diet and exercise business apparently works. Not only am I feeling better (duh), but I lost a few more pounds. Since I started this blog, I'm down 14 pounds. Kinda crazy. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've not eaten at home in the last three weeks. Got a nice little routine going and even decided to add the extra fun of doing the shake weight while I watch TV. Since the added bonus of our new place is a full length mirror, I'm planning to post regular photo updates of my progress. Not ready for those sports bra and work out pants photos quite yet, believe me, no one wants to see that nonsense, but fully clothed, sure! Enjoy!

The 30 day challenge

Every day, I seem to be getting closer and closer to turning 30 with not a lot of forward momentum here. Despite all good intentions to do this project, I appear to be on a repeat of lame excuses and mild enthusiasm. Things in my every day world have changed slightly. 1. I'm now living with quite possibly the most positive and motivating human being I know (Afro Dave). 2. My work schedule seems to have opened up some time to allow for commitment to whatever I see fit. And 3. I'm happier mentally with what I'm doing for a living. All three of these items listed are literally in my face, letting me know that there is no reason not to move onward. Living with Dave has certainly allowed for some lifestyle changes, specifically in the getting healthy department. I'm now eating breakfast every day (which has always been very difficult for me to do), and eating at home WAY more than usual. I've been cooking for the both of us (I know, who am I right now?!) and that has really pushed me to make some better choices. Dave is consistently trying to help me with eliminating smoking from my day to day, and helped me get a deal with LA fitness to get my membership back. There are so many positives around me right now, all pointing me in the right direction. Since I teach goal setting in the classroom, I've been really trying to practice what I'm preaching. I've written and rewritten down my bigger life goals, my short term goals, and now my one month goal.

Here is my 30 Day Challenge to myself. I will, for the month of May, commit to working out EVERY day, eat 6 smaller meals (under 300 calories), and take a break from all distractions in my personal life. No dating, no nonsense, and make this month all about taking care of myself first. Dave said something pretty profound to me last night that really won't stop floating around my head. He asked me if opportunity came knocking tomorrow if I would be ready for it. The answer was no. Why am I wasting time when I should be taking any and every step to work closer to my goals, to be ready for that moment? I'm not where I want to be physically or mentally at this point, and I'm the only one who can change that.

I'm so lucky and grateful to have friends who want to see me become the me I'm supposed to be. This journey has to be about me, and has to be because I want to have a healthier and happier life. Every single day is an opportunity to make things better, and I'm going to take full advantage of that.

For a minute there, you thought I totally forgot about this blog...How bout a Video Update?!

A fresh start.

Wow, this blog has just been tough to keep up with. I haven't fallen off the wagon or anything, in fact I'm more on board now than I was at Day One. As the end of 2012 is only one more day, I've had some time to reflect on this past year quite a bit. So much in me has changed. The motivation to be a better person is stronger than ever. In the last few months, a good friend has come in to my life and changed it forever. Somehow, he found a way to make me realize a lot about myself and what I'm capable of doing. He has helped me see how even the little minor changes have a big impact.

I just got home from spending a week in Nebraska, a place that has always brought somewhat of negative affect on my life. No matter how much progress I've made becoming a better person, I always find myself making poor decisions when I go home. I know I'm not the only one who can't let go of things in the past, but that place would take a little piece of my soul every time I returned home and made poor choices. Well, this trip was the first in 7 years where I made the decision to NOT look back. I didn't see a single person who was a negative influence in my life. I spent a lot of time with my family and good friends. I spent my entire last night in town crying myself to sleep because I was so unbelievably proud of myself. I know you can't possibly fully understand how monumental this was for me, but everything inside me has now changed. I did something I never thought possible. And having done so, I proved to myself that I truly can do anything. I wouldn't have been able to do this without Dave's advice and I don't quite know how to put in words how grateful I am to him for helping me through it. It took someone else to believe in me more than I ever thought I could believe in myself, for me to realize my strength.

I now have 8 months and 21 days to finish this project. That's more than enough time. It's an incredible feeling to acknowledge how capable you are to change the things you want in life. The only way I'm going to do this is to hold on to this positivity for dear life. I can and will get through this. 2013 will be my year.

Keeping Up with Nikki

It's officially been two whole weeks of being back on track. I'm seriously proud of myself. This struggle is becoming less of a struggle and more of a "just gotta do it". Yesterday I actually got up at 5:30 to work out before my Dr. Carter appointment at 7:30, so I wouldn't miss one day. The difference between now and before is that I'm not being as hard core about my food right now. That was making me crazy. Honestly, I think the focus I had on the food intake was what made me go completely off track. The second I ate something I wasn't supposed to, I just gave up. This time I'm not going to be as hard on myself about it. I'm working out, and that's all I'm worried about for now.

As for the rest of this list, I'm midway through reading I am Legend, another book on my list. I'm writing again, which has been immensely beneficial for my state of mind lately. A lot of stress at work has made me kind of grouchy. The writing and exercising has made that stress a lot easier to deal with.

I'm looking forward to Christmas. Heading back to Nebraska on the 21st. Not sure yet if that's a good or a bad thing, but I'll let you know. Hopefully the world doesn't end on my way there... I know a video blog is in order shortly. Keep an eye out!

Nothing is impossible.

So, I've officially made it three days in a row waking up at 6 am to work out. Three days. That's awesome. It's such a small step, such a small amount of time, but I'm proud of myself. I needed to feel that momentum again. There's so much going on in my life right now and so many things that are just up in the air that having this to focus on has been a welcome retreat. I am three weeks away from going home to Nebraska for Christmas, and I'd like to feel like I've made progress again by then.

I weighed myself this morning (despite being terrified about it) and nearly fell over in shock. Despite going on a break from working out and not eating right for nearly a month and a half, I only gained one pound back. I guess somehow I just unconsciously ate less or got in some extra exercise somewhere. I expected to get on the scale and feel somewhat defeated but I just wanted to know. While one pound was still one pound too many, I'm happy that I'm not totally starting over from scratch.

Everyone has been so supportive these last few days, and giving me extra encouragement to keep going and I'm taking all of it in. Now to focus on the other items that don't involve weight loss. I still have a pretty giant stack of books to read. I've just gotta find the time to sit down and do it. I've still got nine months left to get some more of these items crossed off, so let's do this.

On a last little side note for today, I've seen this video being passed around Facebook, and if you haven't already, I suggest you watch it. Not only did I cry my eyes out, but I did get inspired. Sometimes it's nice to have the reminder that nothing is impossible. 

I'm back, ya'll!

Oy! How the eff did it get to be November 28th already? I've been away for so long. Too long, in fact. First, let me say, I'm sorry that I let you all down. I had so many of you asking me when I would come back, and I honestly didn't know the answer. I was frustrated. I was stressed beyond belief at work. I was cutting off a lot of things that were important to me because that's what I do. That's how I've always handled things that are "hard". I put hard in quotes because I don't think this particular journey is hard. It's different, but it's not that hard.

I certainly made it out to be harder than it needed to. It's not really that difficult to wake up at 6:30 and go to the gym. It's not that difficult to read a book instead of watch a movie. It's not that difficult to eat some healthy instead of something that can barely be called food. While all of you have been nothing but supportive, what I want you all to know is that I don't want to give up. I wouldn't have started this project if I thought that I was just going to quit. None of these things would be on my "to-do" list if I didn't want to do them in the first place.

What I have to keep reminding myself is that I'm trying to change my brain's programming after 29 years. I've spent my whole life on one track, and now I'm trying to leap to a completely alternate lifestyle. It's not supposed to be easy, change never is. But I want to find happiness and I don't want to waste my life sitting on my ass.

I can tell you right now that I don't know how many times I might fall down between now and August 20th, but I can tell you that I will always pick myself back up. I went to the gym this morning and reset my Couch to 5K back to Week 1 - Day 1. That in itself has given me a renewed sense of motivation. I also have to thank my friend Dave for a somewhat brutally honest conversation on Monday night that helped me realize how much I truly needed this project back in my life. I needed that, Dave, and I thank you. And thank you to all of the rest of you who have believed in me along the way as well. I'm back, yall. Watch out : )