Staying committed

I surprised myself this morning. I've been sick for the last two days and yet I still forced myself to get up and hit the gym this morning. Old Nikki would have hit snooze and said, "Eff it. I don't feel good." But I didn't. I got up, walked across my complex to the gym and did a half an hour workout. I can definitely feel the motivation coming back in a big way.

Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day. I've been asked to speak as a Birthmother for a group of new potential adoptive families at Catholic Charities. These are some of my favorite events as a Birthmother because these parents are terrified of me. They've (usually) never met a Birthmother before, and they almost always have an idea in their head of what I'm not. It's an opportunity for me to encourage these future adoptive parents to consider open adoption, and to not be scared of birthmothers. My favorite part is questions and answers where I make them all freak out by saying that I only looked at one profile of a family, and didn't even glance at another. God put my adoptive family on top of the stack of profiles for a reason. They were meant to be the parents of my daughter (we were soulmates). It was the greatest decision I've ever made, and I really am the luckiest person on this planet to have such an amazing relationship with the parents of my girlie. I can't wait for tomorrow... Don't worry, you'll get to see some of it, I'm bringing a camera ; )

I'm back!

Just cause I haven't been posting does not mean I haven't been back on track. I hit a rather large reset button this past Monday morning. It took me a few days to really comprehend what happened. And I'm still not even sure how to admit this, but I'll try. I was doing ok on Saturday and Sunday with eating better and going swimming both days because my mom was in town. But for some reason, the second she left, I had this overwhelming urge to just say, "Fuck it." It's not that its been that difficult, which is why I don't understand the why. But either way, I rented a movie, and I ordered a pizza and cherry coke. Then I proceeded to eat nearly all of said pizza. When I say nearly all, I mean there was like half a piece left. It was disgusting. It didnt even taste good and I was so not prepared for how sick I would get. I couldn't fall asleep because I was full, and then immediately after I finally managed to get an hour of sleep, I woke up at 3 am sicker than I've ever felt in my life. My body was so mad at me. It was horrible. I couldn't go back to sleep, I couldn't even be horizontal because it hurt too much. I just sat there thinking, "Why?! Why did you do this to yourself??" I had no legitimate answer, and pretty soon it was time for work. I was miserable all day, I didn't want to eat at all. I didn't end up eating breakfast or dinner or breakfast the next day either. It was definitely the worst idea I've ever had. But I still managed to make myself go to dance class that night and the gym the next morning, so I did let it be the opportunity I needed to get back on track. I definitely stayed under my calories for the last two days and I'm going to just keep trying. I need to learn how to pick myself up after falling a little bit better. That's always been my problem. Anytime I've been on a get healthy mission, I would give up after one screw up, thinking it was a lost cause. One week of screwing up is only one week! One week out of the hundreds of weeks I have left in my life. There's always another one coming around the corner. I can do this. I WILL do this. Just gotta Keep Calm and Carry On. Or Gangnam Style, whichever comes first.

Epic fail.

Yes, I neglected to post my month update on Thursday (the 20th). The good news is I lost 10 pounds! The bad news is that I took a little break this week. I let myself get distracted. Majorly. There was absolutely no reason for it, but it happened nonetheless. I'm hitting the reset button today. Mom is coming up from Tampa today and we are going swimming the second she gets here. I can't really explain why I let myself down this week, but it was going so well, I'm not going to let one bad week deter me. Overall, I'm going to just be proud of myself for the 10 pound loss, and use that as fuel to keep going...

Motivation...

As I said in the beginning of this project, I wanted accountability to push me forward. I needed it. My motivation is somewhere between "Can I really do this?" And "Do I want to do this?". I'm at the point where all of this should just come naturally and it shouldn't even be a question. But for some reason, it's just getting increasingly more difficult. Yes, I'm dancing and I'm doing little pieces here and there (I still can't believe I've gone a month without cherry coke). I really don't know why I let things distract me, but this morning I slept in instead of working out. It's the first time I've done that. Last night was Rob's birthday party part duex, and I stayed up hella late. Way past the time that would have gotten me that 8 hours of sleep before a workout. I'm frustrated with myself. I had fun, and I let myself be distracted. I shouldn't be this hard on myself for missing one workout, but I am. I am going to try again tomorrow morning to make up for it and just get right back on track. I have to do this. Tomorrow is Sept 20th, which marks a full month since my birthday. Only 11 months to go, how'd that happen?! I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow morning and I'm going to keep going. And it's seriously about time to go on some of these adventures on my list! I've been so focused on this getting healthy part that I forgot there was a ton of other stuff on my list to do. I got this...

Also, recently a good friend from high school posted this photo on my Facebook to remind me of old times. This picture floored me, because I forgot that I used to look like that. I miss that body. Although, can someone please tell me how to get that skinny but keep these giant boobs and butt?

Gah! Dancing is so much fun!

yup.

Sunday Funday

This weekend was SUPER. Yesterday, I experienced my first Thai yoga massage. My mother got it for me as a gift, and it was absolutely incredible. Basically, you just get put into the most relaxed state you've ever been in as the masseuse moves your body around and massages it. I'm horrible at describing things, but you get the idea. I could have laid there forever. Anywhoo, then it was back to Orlando just in time to make it over to my work BFF Rob's house for his surprise (which turned out to be anything but a surprise) birthday party. Let me introduce you to one of the sexiest BFF's a girl could have. Pictured below is my Robert. I heart him. His birthday party was a blasty blast. Then I woke up this morning and spent a lovely Sunday reading and getting some pool time in. It was a great weekend. Tomorrow is back to 5K training, and Nikki needs to get shut eye so she can wake up at 6:30. Woot! I'm still in it to win it, despite my lack of posts. ; )

Aye Yai Yai

So... This week was tough to keep up with the blogging part. And everything else, really. I did work out all week, but I missed dance class (cuz I was picking up Detective Benson) and I didn't read a page. I work too much. I've always let the whole workaholic side of me be a huge excuse for why I don't do the things I said I would. I'm definitely working on that, and I'm proud of myself for not slacking on the 5K training or the eating properly. I realize that over the course of the next year, there will be times that I will get distracted. This week was definitely one of those weeks. I had two shoots scheduled in one day, amongst doing pre-production for a few others. The awesome part was getting to briefly "meet" Penny Marshall via FaceTime, whilst shooting an interview with the wonderful Cydney Daly (daughter of Dream Team coach, Chuck Daly). It was an incredible experience. And someday I might actually be able to talk about what I witnessed ; ) Either way, it was a distraction I was appreciative of. Back to work now. I've got my book list almost ready to reveal, and some adventures coming soon! Stay tuned...

Oh, and in case you missed it, we recently had Magnum P.I. Friday at work. Enjoy.

Meet Detective Olivia Benson!

Yup. I got a cat. I really needed someone to hang out with that doesn't have a penis. I found an awesome kitty that, despite what you might see in this video, loves me already. When I went to check her out, she was the only one out of the numerous felines there that came right up to me. I picked her up and she fell asleep in my arms almost instantaneously. I knew she was gonna be mine. Yes, I named her Detective Olivia Benson after my favorite lady ever, Mariska Hargitay on Law & Order SVU. I would have named her Mariska, but that's a bit of a mouthful. And it also leaves the option of getting a second cat and naming him Elliot Stabler. Nerd factor: 11 out of a possible 10. Here's to being a cat lady!

Don't worry, I'm still all in.

I realize I skipped a few days of blogging, but I didn't really have much to say. I've been busy at work and real life, but I've stayed strong on my calorie intake and my marathon training. I'm still losing weight quickly, I can tell my clothes are fitting differently! Today was a pool day with my work BFF, Rob. It was fun, and still managed to squeeze in some exercise. It's definitely getting easier to stick to this way of life every day. I'm almost at the month mark, which is crazy to think about. I gotta start getting on the other items on my list soon!!

Just for fun, I'm throwing in a rather hipster photo for you to entertain yourself by mocking ; )

Video Update-AHHHHH!

I'm starting to see it!

There's something about the whole getting healthy thing that just makes you feel amazing. I know I'm a tiny bit smaller than I was yesterday, and especially smaller than two weeks ago. It motivated me to get up and make myself pretty for work today. I rarely wear my hair down because I'm just not that girly, but I felt like being a lady today. I took a full body picture to both motivate and feel proud of myself. Only I can tell the difference but I'm sharing it anyway...

The true test.

Anyone who knows me (or my mother) knows that when the two of us are together, we like to eat. It seems like all of the times in the past that one of us has made an effort to lose weight, it was made all the more difficult by one of us not being ready for it. So, after two weeks of this health kick, I knew the true test of my "stickwithit-ness" would be the arrival of my mother for Labor Day weekend. My mother is my best friend. Not in a sad, I have no other friends kind of way, but rather in the she's the most kick ass person I know kind of way. I want her to get healthy with me. So, when she got here, the first thing I did was make her download the My Fitness Pal app (lindakaymorrison, look her up-she needs friends to encourage her too). Then, I made us a healthy lunch and we went to the pool. We didn't just lay around in the pool like blobs getting sunburned. We actually swam. For almost an hour and a half, we kept our bodies moving. It was awesome. Today, we woke up and did it all over again. Plus, we added a few hours of shopping, which has to have burned off a calorie or two-or maybe not... Either way, I'm proud of both of us.

Me? Inspirational? When did that happen?

I made it through Week 2! I don't know how, I honestly don't. I worked out on schedule, I stayed under my calorie limit every single day, I read another 100 pages of Wicked, I danced like crazy (the video from Tuesday doesn't count). I seriously did it. It might be odd that I find myself surprised at accomplishing what I said I was going to do, but really, I'm shocked. I guess I've spent such a long time not doing any of it that I got used to thinking I never could. Turns out I can. I want all of this so badly now, it's not even an option to quit. The strangest part of this whole thing is that I did this for myself, but I didn't realize how much it would affect others. I've been getting the most incredible emails, messages, and phone calls. I've heard from three people that I inspired them to get going on their journey, and they are making their own list. My boss, Anne, has even joined me in working out! This has been such a humbling experience. The thing is, hearing all of that just motivates me more. Now I wouldn't be just letting myself down, I'd be letting everyone else down too, if I fail. That's why I wanted to document this journey, to be held accountable. Now I am. Probably the most insane part of this is realizing how many people are actually following me and my blog. I've been posting for two weeks now, look how many views!

This is crazy. Either way, I'm going to keep going. So should you. Whatever personal journey you are on, you can do it too. Believe me, if I can do this, anyone can.