A fresh start.

Wow, this blog has just been tough to keep up with. I haven't fallen off the wagon or anything, in fact I'm more on board now than I was at Day One. As the end of 2012 is only one more day, I've had some time to reflect on this past year quite a bit. So much in me has changed. The motivation to be a better person is stronger than ever. In the last few months, a good friend has come in to my life and changed it forever. Somehow, he found a way to make me realize a lot about myself and what I'm capable of doing. He has helped me see how even the little minor changes have a big impact.

I just got home from spending a week in Nebraska, a place that has always brought somewhat of negative affect on my life. No matter how much progress I've made becoming a better person, I always find myself making poor decisions when I go home. I know I'm not the only one who can't let go of things in the past, but that place would take a little piece of my soul every time I returned home and made poor choices. Well, this trip was the first in 7 years where I made the decision to NOT look back. I didn't see a single person who was a negative influence in my life. I spent a lot of time with my family and good friends. I spent my entire last night in town crying myself to sleep because I was so unbelievably proud of myself. I know you can't possibly fully understand how monumental this was for me, but everything inside me has now changed. I did something I never thought possible. And having done so, I proved to myself that I truly can do anything. I wouldn't have been able to do this without Dave's advice and I don't quite know how to put in words how grateful I am to him for helping me through it. It took someone else to believe in me more than I ever thought I could believe in myself, for me to realize my strength.

I now have 8 months and 21 days to finish this project. That's more than enough time. It's an incredible feeling to acknowledge how capable you are to change the things you want in life. The only way I'm going to do this is to hold on to this positivity for dear life. I can and will get through this. 2013 will be my year.

Keeping Up with Nikki

It's officially been two whole weeks of being back on track. I'm seriously proud of myself. This struggle is becoming less of a struggle and more of a "just gotta do it". Yesterday I actually got up at 5:30 to work out before my Dr. Carter appointment at 7:30, so I wouldn't miss one day. The difference between now and before is that I'm not being as hard core about my food right now. That was making me crazy. Honestly, I think the focus I had on the food intake was what made me go completely off track. The second I ate something I wasn't supposed to, I just gave up. This time I'm not going to be as hard on myself about it. I'm working out, and that's all I'm worried about for now.

As for the rest of this list, I'm midway through reading I am Legend, another book on my list. I'm writing again, which has been immensely beneficial for my state of mind lately. A lot of stress at work has made me kind of grouchy. The writing and exercising has made that stress a lot easier to deal with.

I'm looking forward to Christmas. Heading back to Nebraska on the 21st. Not sure yet if that's a good or a bad thing, but I'll let you know. Hopefully the world doesn't end on my way there... I know a video blog is in order shortly. Keep an eye out!