Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I'm back!
Just cause I haven't been posting does not mean I haven't been back on track. I hit a rather large reset button this past Monday morning. It took me a few days to really comprehend what happened. And I'm still not even sure how to admit this, but I'll try. I was doing ok on Saturday and Sunday with eating better and going swimming both days because my mom was in town. But for some reason, the second she left, I had this overwhelming urge to just say, "Fuck it." It's not that its been that difficult, which is why I don't understand the why. But either way, I rented a movie, and I ordered a pizza and cherry coke. Then I proceeded to eat nearly all of said pizza. When I say nearly all, I mean there was like half a piece left. It was disgusting. It didnt even taste good and I was so not prepared for how sick I would get. I couldn't fall asleep because I was full, and then immediately after I finally managed to get an hour of sleep, I woke up at 3 am sicker than I've ever felt in my life. My body was so mad at me. It was horrible. I couldn't go back to sleep, I couldn't even be horizontal because it hurt too much. I just sat there thinking, "Why?! Why did you do this to yourself??" I had no legitimate answer, and pretty soon it was time for work. I was miserable all day, I didn't want to eat at all. I didn't end up eating breakfast or dinner or breakfast the next day either. It was definitely the worst idea I've ever had. But I still managed to make myself go to dance class that night and the gym the next morning, so I did let it be the opportunity I needed to get back on track. I definitely stayed under my calories for the last two days and I'm going to just keep trying. I need to learn how to pick myself up after falling a little bit better. That's always been my problem. Anytime I've been on a get healthy mission, I would give up after one screw up, thinking it was a lost cause. One week of screwing up is only one week! One week out of the hundreds of weeks I have left in my life. There's always another one coming around the corner. I can do this. I WILL do this. Just gotta Keep Calm and Carry On. Or Gangnam Style, whichever comes first.
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My dad used to lecture for a Weight Watchers type organization decades ago. It's like a mantra, if you fall, don't beat yourself up. Just dust yourself off and get back with the plan. I really can relate to what you're going through A LOT!!! Even though I had lap band surgery, it is still a daily struggle. Because ya know what??? Ice cream goes through the lap band with no problem. And I LOVE ICE CREAM. Hang in there Nikki! When you get to the point when you have to start buying new clothes because your fat clothes, yes I called them fat clothes, are too big the reward will be sweet. Sweeter than ice cream or pizza or any other crap we want to put in our systems. It's okay to have pizza, but just a slice, maybe two. Your body revolted and hopefully enough so you won't do it again. Although you might. I've actually gone and bought new clothes and would be so pleased with myself, I'd go eat something fattening. How fucked up is that??? This losing weight thing is really fucking hard and you're better off doing it now at almost 30 than at 50. It just gets harder. I'm there for ya kiddo!
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